4 lessons after 10 years of living abroad
A personal update.
Hi all! Today I don’t have any ramblings on design and career to share with you, but more of a personal update.
After living in Berlin for almost 10 years, I’ve moved back to my home country and am about to start a new chapter in my live in Amsterdam.
I look back at those 10 years feeling happy, grateful and proud and thought I’ll share 4 important lessons I’ve learned along the way.
1. Don’t let grammar stop you.
Ask any expat in Germany and they’ll tell you that learning the German language is a humbling experience. As a Dutch person, learning German wasn’t such a big leap but it was still challenging enough.
The one thing that helped me become fluent in German? Giving up on following grammar rules. Just “going with the flow” made it easier for me to strike up conversation - and by listening to others, I managed to understand German grammar better.
Stepping over my feelings of shame helped me in other ways too. It helped me become more social (more on friendships in a bit), it helped me get fitter in the gym and it helped me seize career opportunities that felt challenging and maybe out of my league.
2. Doing is better than dreaming.
One thing I’ve consistently practiced in the past decade and what helped me with my professional and personal growth is to turn goals into actionable steps.
I’m not much of a dreamer but I’ve learned that you don’t need to have big visions to experience joy and success in your life.
What matters more to me is to move from (over)thinking towards doing. I try to live by the mantra: “Say yes to every exciting opportunity and figure out how and what along the way.”
3. Be intentional with relationships and connections.
Moving abroad means either feeling very lonely or overwhelmed with all the new social contacts you’ve made. Probably it’s both. Sometimes even at the same time.
I’ve definitely been through phases in Germany where I felt lonely and desperate to meet new friends. I’ve also been through phases where I suddenly met so many new people and established many new friendships.
In the past years I’ve been very intentional with my connections and relationships I invest time in. I’ve defined what values I look for in new connections and have said goodbye to quite some people. I have less friends than I had before but the people that are part of my everyday life right now are the ones that make me feel so happy, balanced and inspired.
4. “Home” is not an actual, physical place.
It took a long time for me to define what “home” exactly is. The town I grew up in never felt like home. At some point, the house I grew up in also didn’t feel like home anymore. Especially when my parents turned my bedroom into a guest bedroom (what!). For a long time, Berlin was my home - even though I had no family or other ties to that city. So “home” isn’t as simple as “the place where you grew up” or “the place your family lives”.
Right now I’m writing this newsletter from a temporary stay in Amsterdam - it doesn’t feel like home for me, but I also know that that fuzzy, secure and comfortable “home” feeling is something I carry in me and I can re-create wherever I go.
Yay to new beginnings! I resonate with everything you've said but my biggest takeaway from your post is doing is better than dreaming. Aye aye to that.
I have only very fond memories of Amsterdam so I'm jealous that you are going to be living there once more However moving back "home" must have its sets of challenges. I cannot imagine moving back to Kuala Lumpur after being more than two decades abroad. You're brave!